Notice of Maturity

It has come to the Board’s attention that the Dundee Baby is now 62 years of age. This development is not considered misconduct. It has, however, prompted a formal review of his continuing suitability as the sole spokesman for the Baby Products Division.

A letter from Alistair Drysdale, Director of Model Continuity, proposes a new grown-up product, a revised modelling appointment and an unnecessarily formal investigation of Dundee, Scotland. That letter is the beginning of Project Dry Run.

A letter from Model Continuity

The Dundee Baby’s original appointment has been reviewed with “considerable affection and very little surviving paperwork.” The Board also acknowledges that the model did not simply disappear after infancy. He continued his career as San Tropat, designer, champion and one of Juan Vizadic’s Men of the Years.

The passage of approximately six decades raises reasonable questions about your continuing suitability as the sole spokesman for the Baby Products Division.

A grown-up product—subject to evidence

Dundee Mills is considering a new Grown-Up Products Division. Its first working concept is the Dundee Personal Weatherproof: Model Citizen No. 1, a discreet, washable absorbent undergarment intended initially for light bladder leakage.

The letter notes that less careful members of the trade may call such a product an “adult diaper.” The Division will not. More importantly, the product’s intended use, construction, absorbency, fit, wash life, manufacturing origin and claims have not been decided. Those questions require research, technical development and proper testing.

A revised appointment

San Tropat has been invited to discuss a new role: the Dundee Model Citizen—Provisional. He would continue as model and spokesman while becoming public investigator, product-development witness and Acting Director of Slightly Irregular Affairs.

The appointment is provisional for a reason. He has been asked to evaluate Dundee, but Dundee will also be invited to evaluate him.

The first assignment

Project Dry Run will investigate whether Dundee could help design, test and prepare a real grown-up product for market while creating useful paid local work. The inquiry will proceed through seven public episodes:

1. Notice of Maturity;
2. The Slightly Irregular Laboratory;
3. Dundee Field Conditions;
4. Location Scouting;
5. Dundee Model Citizens;
6. The Public Hearing; and
7. The Dundee Recommendation.

The final answer may be go, revise or stop. A failed test will remain part of the public record rather than being quietly removed from the story.

Read the complete Notice of Maturity